Module 3 · Part 5 of 5
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
— 2 Timothy 3:17
We've tried to understand basic factors associated with loss and grief. From this, we can build a foundation for supporting a friend who is grieving — often through the person's spirituality, which helps them gain peace of mind.
It was mentioned earlier that, for caring purposes, there's a distinction between spirituality and religious spirituality. Consider two examples:
John was dying of cancer. He was young, with two young children. In discussions, it was evident he didn't have a significant religious faith — he spoke of a well-known sportsman with a similar illness, and saw this person as a model for himself. The sportsman wasn't an atheist, but didn't seek strength through God; he gained personal strength through his own success in overcoming illness. John looked to him as a model for his own peace and encouragement.
Carley was grieving. Her husband, Anthony, had died suddenly four weeks earlier. They had no children, and Carley, after initially being distraught, was settling back into work with renewed energy, determined to overcome her grief by concentrating on the work she enjoyed. She was surrounded at work by good colleagues and friends who supported her with understanding and practical assistance.
In both cases there was no overt religious spirituality — John found peace through another's example, Carley through her work and friends. While we, as caring friends, may have a Christian approach to loss and grieving, it's important that we respect others' need to cope in their own way. Our role is to help a friend cope in the way they determine, even if we might not accept their way, or believe there's a better one.
Much of the following is a Scriptural perspective generally embraced by Christians, useful both for ourselves as carers ("know yourself"), and in helping those who are ill, facing death, or in bereavement.
The essence of coping with any stressful situation is having faith that God will help us through that stress — a living belief that what happens to us takes place in a God-caring environment. This doesn't mean we won't have stresses, illness and loss in our lives; it means we have a firm foundation for coping with those difficulties. Remember, grieving is often an expression of love.
Central to faith is hope. For Christians, this includes the hope and reassurance of:
Part of coping is recognising that God is ever with us, and has a plan for us. Learning to accept what happens to us because we're being guided by God is central to coping — stresses aren't punishment for sin, they're a part of life.
The Apostle Paul had some very sound advice:
I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
— Philippians 4:11
… and this from a man who'd been stoned, imprisoned, shipwrecked, lived with a long-term physical impediment, and was generally persecuted. Paul regarded everything as loss that he might win Christ, always keeping the hope of the Kingdom before him: "for the hope of Israel I am bound with this chain" (Acts 28:20) — spoken while under house arrest in Rome, awaiting his appeal to Caesar.
It's important to keep helpful Scriptures at the forefront of our minds. View a page of helpful Bible quotations →
There's a very helpful video on Loss and Grief prepared by Louise Buttsworth. It won't form part of the Statement assessment, but you'll find it very informative.
That's all 5 parts of Module 3 — try the Statement work page now.