Loss, grief and suffering: what are they?

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

— Hebrews 4:16

We'll give a lot of thought to this topic, because it's so important and has such wide scope. As we're dealing with a variety of life's circumstances, we'll cast the net widely at the start and focus more later on. The more we understand these issues, the more we'll be able to support our friends.

Some definitions

These aren't academic definitions, but it's useful to distinguish between the words often used in reference to grief and loss.

• Loss is being separated from someone or something of special value to a person.
• Grief is an emotion that results from loss — a normal reaction, which can show itself in degrees of seriousness. Grieving is the coping process that occurs through experiencing grief.
• Bereavement is a condition we experience, caused by loss through death.
• Mourning is a process that occurs within us as we express our emotion towards loss. It can occur with any form of loss, but is more often associated with bereavement.
• Suffering is the condition of undergoing pain, distress or hardship — physical, social or psychological, the latter including emotional or spiritual.

About loss

Loss occurs to us all at some stage of life. We often meet people who've experienced loss in some form, and may be surprised how emotional a person becomes about a particular loss. We need to avoid judging the degree to which someone's grief is being expressed, and recognise that if a person is grieving, it's their personal, emotional expression. Our task is to help our friends through their grieving, not to judge whether they're grieving "too much."

What are some of the things a friend may lose?

This spans a range of ages, from children to the elderly, and is by no means exhaustive — how many other items could you add? Losses can also be seen as primary and secondary: when a man's wife dies, the loss to him is directly primary, while a secondary loss can occur because it affects the wider family relationship and changes aspects of family life.