Feelings and emotions

  Sadness; Anger; Guilt; Self-reproach; Anxiety; Loneliness; Fatigue; Helplessness; Shock; Yearning; Emancipation; Relief; Numbness; Fear

Cognitions

  Sense of confusion; Sense of 'losing it'; Sense of unreality; Short attention span; Loss of short term memory; Hallucinations; Pre-occupation; Making decisions

Spiritual

  Blaming God; Meaning system challenged; Loss of faith; Why me?

Physical Sensations

  Hollowness in the stomach; Tightness in the chest; Tightness in the throat; Oversensitivity to noise; A sense of depersonalisation; Breathlessness; Weakn ess or ache in the muscles; lack of energy; dry mouth; headaches; nausea; Tiredness; Shaking.

Behaviours

  Sleep disturbance; Appetite disturbance; Absetmindedness; Social withdrawal; Dreams of a deceased person; Avoiding reminders; Sighing; Restless activity; Crying; Visiting places or carrying reminders of the loss; Treasuring objects; Eratic behaviour; Mood changes

(After J. William Worden, 1982)

Many people regard suffering as being positive. While this is generally true in hindsight, it is very difficult, (and most inadvisable) to say to your friend who is suffering physically and psychologically, “In the long run, you will really benefit from this problem you are encountering.” Many of us who have experienced suffering can say retrospectively that we benefited from our experience, but this is not the answer to give when we are sitting opposite our friend who is in excruciating pain.

What can we do? One approach is to say, “I am so sorry you are in such pain. Can I do anything to help?” The person could possibly say, ”Nothing”, or, they may say, ”Could you ask a nurse to come to me, please?” The person may accept your offer to pray with them. Ultimately, your presence with them during their suffering (even in silence) could be of great benefit for them. They can appreciate your offer to help, even if you cannot, and they can appreciate your being with them during their suffering. Remember, you do not always have to speak, and, in some cases, it would be better if you did not because the person may be too exhausted to think of conversation yet would like your silent company.

If we place our trust in God, He will guide us during times of suffering. He has never indicated that life would be without its problems; there are times when we have them. We all have them to a greater or lesser degree. How can we cope with them? God's love is not that He allows suffering but that He can help us immediately, and that He has provided the ultimate solution - the hope of eternal life! This is so positive.

Sometimes we are asked, or we ask ourselves, “Why me?” Why has this suffering happened in this way? The only real answer is, “We do not know”. If some suffering happens to us today, it is not because of something wrong we might have done yesterday. In simple Biblical terms, we suffer because we are part of a creation of humanity that were disobedient to God, they sinned, and suffering has continued since then. (Click here for an article titled 'Why?')

God exists. He has provided a framework within which we can cope with suffering. He will help us. He has demonstrated His willingness to help those who trust Him. This does not necessarily mean that He will relieve us from absolute suffering, but He will help in our ability to cope with it. We must develop that relationship with Him that enables us to have absolute faith and confidence that He will be with us.

Probably the last word on this is in Hebrews 2:9-10. “But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, for the suffering of death crowned with glory and honour, that He, by the grace of God, might taste death for everyone.” Jesus’ suffering and death has resulted in humankind’s ability to overcome suffering and look forward to a life without it in God’s Kingdom.