Module 4 · Part 2 of 5
This is a beautiful subject — one of the joys of parenting (or being a close relative, or friend) is seeing the development of spirituality in children. We've looked at Fowler's suggested stages in brief; let's look at them in a little more practical detail, remembering they're only approximate guides.
Nurturing a secure, trusting environment is vital at all stages of life, but particularly in the first two years (Fowler Stage 0), when a child's growth environment is totally reliant on those around them. Our friend and close family must provide surroundings where children can learn, by example, the kindness and warmth of those around them — everyone, not just their mother. Even at meal time: a young child's presence when thanks are offered is subtly part of their learning environment. We don't put them to bed so we can eat in peace — even if we do it after we've offered thanks!
As children become more verbal (Stage 1), reading and telling stories, listening to and singing songs, and playing games can emphasise spiritual things — easily presented and accepted. Children's stories focused on kindness are an ideal way to begin developing spiritual principles; Jesus' stories help bring continuous attention to goodness and compassion, as do other respected Biblical characters.
At the next stage (Stage 2), children become more inquisitive and ask many questions — "Why?" is a favourite. We should always answer with as much honesty and reality as we can, using God's principles as the centre of our answer ("Because I said so!" is rarely satisfying). Being patient is vital. Children also develop a sense of fairness and what's correct, especially among peers — many childhood squabbles occur over disputes about the right thing to do, and a friend can often help arbitrate, using an adult sense of right and wrong to explain decisions.
Development after earlier childhood. Once children reach adolescence (Stage 3), new factors shape their faith development — it's widely accepted that the teens are a time when peers and social influences can take over understanding and growth. This is a difficult time as youngsters exercise independence, especially from family, and being a friend can become even more important: respected and loved friends who've been supportive earlier can be a major factor in helping further faith development when their world seems increasingly confusing.
After adolescence (Stage 4), younger people can begin forming their own values and beliefs. If these were shaped firmly during childhood, they have a firm basis for their future belief system, though they'll often face challenges to their spirituality and need a firm, mature friend to help them work through questions — especially about relationships with family, friends, and eventually life partners. Sometimes younger adults value the perspective of a well-loved friend even with a good family relationship; sometimes they simply don't want to discuss personal issues with parents.
We won't go further into possible stages of faith development, since so many factors come into play that it's difficult to predict what kind of faith and spirituality may eventuate. The important thing is that a firm grounding early in life should help as a person matures. One of our main aims as a friend is to help them stabilise their personal faith, and move towards a closer relationship with God so that He and His Son become even more central to their inner being.
Fowler's outline is considered in education, psychology, theology, and pastoral care, but is generally viewed as a descriptive model rather than a widely accepted, authoritative account of spiritual development. However, it's food for thought.
What scripture suggests about spiritual development. The writer to the Hebrews suggests faith development starts early, with "milk" (as does a baby), and progresses to solid food — implying spiritual growth likewise grows from basic and simple into something more substantial.
In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
— Hebrews 5:12–14 (NIV)
The significant aspect of this passage is that it doesn't necessarily apply only to those growing up from childhood. A friend, say, at the age of 42, can at that age start to learn the "milk" of the word (the Bible) and progress to solid food.
Some practical, final words. We've drawn attention to some useful practical aspects of a child's spiritual development. Perhaps they can be summarised as:
Continue to the next part of Module 4.