Module 1 · Part 2 of 5
Spiritual care and friending can involve discussing matters of a personal nature with those for whom we're caring. It's imperative that a carer treats matters discussed confidentially, unless there's a need to seek assistance from fellow carers — in which case the anonymity of the cared-for person should still be maintained where possible. While it's important to learn spiritual friending skills, and discussing a conversation with someone provides that opportunity, we must always ensure issues are discussed only when the visited person's anonymity can be retained.
Encourage each other with these words.
— 1 Thessalonians 4:18
An AI summary of the articles on this Adelphicare website put it well:
Care = living out the gospel in suffering, relationships, and daily life.
This is a particularly good statement. It means that as followers of Christ, we live the Gospel — the good news of the Kingdom of God — through our own suffering, and through being empathetic to the suffering of others. We do it through our relationships with family and other people, and, above all, in our daily life: being totally committed to following Jesus, just as he lived to serve God in every minute of his daily life. This is what pastoral friending and care is about.
Self-disclosure is the practice of discussing your own circumstances with a person — perhaps a similar illness or similar circumstances. Read through the following conversation and make some observations on it.
Person. I had a nasty fall — I just slipped on the wet path for some reason and went straight down. There was no one around at the time and I had to wait half an hour before someone came by. I was in dreadful pain! They took me to the hospital and I had to wait two hours before a doctor saw me and gave me some attention.
Carer. Oh, I know exactly how you feel! The same thing happened to me. It was awful. I was calling out and no one heard. I was panicking and in such dreadful pain! And when I got to the hospital they didn't care how I felt. They took ages and ages to give me attention and even then I had to wait in the queue for x-rays and it was still hurting so badly. Oh, it took me such a long time to get over it and I'm still …
The carer is trying to show sympathy (pity) by "sharing" a similar experience. What has happened, though, during the carer's response? (We can start by saying that we never know exactly how another person feels.)
There is a place, however, for self-disclosure. The key is to help the person feel better after the discussion — not worse, as would most likely happen in the example above. This can be done in two ways:
In a formal setting such as a hospital or an aged care home, a spiritual carer is usually part of a team. It's important to realise you're not alone in your caring work. Try to discuss caring issues with other carers you know when you feel the need to work through something you're not sure about — even talking about an issue (confidentially) can help you clarify your own thinking.
Continue to the next part of Module 1.