phases of spiritual development in children

This is a beautiful subject. It is one of the joys of parenting (or being a close relative mum, dad, uncle, aunty, or friend) that we are able to see the development of spirituality in children.

We’ve looked at Fowler’s suggested stages in brief but let’s look at them in a little more practical detail, remembering that they are only approximate guides.

Nurturing a secure, trusting environment is vital at all stages of life, really, but particularly in the first two years of life (Fowler Stage 0) when children’s growth environment is totally reliant on those around them. Our friend and close family must provide the surroundings where children can begin to learn from example the kindness and warmth of those around them – everyone, not just their mother. Even, for example, at meal time. The young child’s presence when thanks are offered at a meal is subtly part of their learning environment. We don’t put them to bed so that we can have our meal in peace! Even if we do it after we’ve offered thanks.

As children become more verbal and we start to read and tell stories, listening to and singing songs and playing games (Stage 1) can emphasise spiritual things. They can be easily presented and accepted. Children’s stories that focus on kindness, for example, are an ideal way to begin to develop important spiritual principles. Use of Jesus’ stories can assist in bringing continuous attention to the name that is associated with goodness and compassion. And the same principle applies to other respected Biblical characters.

At the next stage of development (Stage 2) children become more inquisitive and ask many questions. ‘Why?’ is a favourite one. We should always answer with as much honesty and reality as we can, using God’s principles as the centre of our answer. (Answering ‘Because I said so!’ is rarely a satisfying answer!) Being patient is vital. Children also begin to develop a sense of fairness and what is correct, especially among their peers. Many child-like squabbles occur because there is a dispute about what is the right and correct thing to do. This is where a friend often can help in arbitration – using the adult sense of right and wrong to explain the reason for some decisions being made.

Development after earlier childhood

Once children reach adolescence and later, new sets of factors can begin to shape their faith development (Stage 3). It is widely accepted that the teens and adolescence are times when peers and other social influences can take over their understandings and growth. This is a particularly difficult time when such youngsters are beginning to exercise their independence, especially from their family. It is a time when being a friend can become even more important. Respected and loved friends who have been supportive during the earlier part of their life can be a major factor in helping further faith development when their world seems to be increasingly confusing.

After adolescence, younger people (Stage 4) can begin to form their own values and beliefs. If these have been shaped firmly during their childhood then they have a firm basis for their future belief system. They will often find challenges to their acceptance of aspects of their spirituality. They will often need a firm, mature friend to help them work through these challenges and answer the many questions that can often arise, especially about relationships, with family, other friends and eventually their life partners. Sometimes, younger adults will value the perspective of a well-loved and developed friend, even if they have a good relationship with their family. Sometimes, youngsters simply do not want to discuss very personal issues with their parents.

We won’t go any further with possible stages of faith development because so many factors come into play, it is difficult to suggest what kind of faith and spirituality may eventuate. The important thing to realise is that a firm grounding early in their life should help them as they become more mature.

One of the main aims as a friend is for us to help them stabilise their personal faith and assist them towards a closer relationship with God so that He and His Son become even more central to their inner being.

Fowler's outline is considered in education, psychology, theology, and pastoral care, but it is generally viewed as a descriptive model rather than a widely accepted and authoritative account of spiritual development. However, it is food for thought.

What scripture suggests about spiritual development

The writer to the Hebrews suggests that faith development starts early – with ‘milk’ (as does a baby), and progresses to solid food. This implies that spiritual growth likewise grows from being basic and simple and can develop into something more substantial.

In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food!  Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. (Hebrews 5:12-14 NIV)

The significant aspect of this passage is that it doesn’t necessarily apply just to those growing up from childhood. A friend say, at the age of 42, can at that age start to learn the ‘milk’ of the word (the Bible) and progress to solid food.

Some practical, final words

We have drawn attention to some useful practical aspects of a child’s spiritual development. Perhaps they can be summarised in the following:

  Sharing worship with family and others

  Participating in family prayer by observing it and sharing their prayers with others in the family.

  Listening to the Bible – with reference to appropriate stories and lessons.

  Discussing spiritual issues they might like with you as a friend and/or with their family.

  Working alongside adults in various appropriate matters associated with their family or church/ecclesial members and with you as their friend!