"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." (Psalm 18:32)
Cancer is very common. It can come to
any person, no matter what age or whether male or female. What are some
of the things we have to think about if we are diagnosed with it
ourselves, or if our family or friends are diagnosed?
An important element of cancer for a
helper (as well as the person with the illness) is to understand as much
as you can about the both the illness and its effect on the person’s
life and those around him or her.
Leading up to diagnosis
It is probable that you, or your friend
or family member, has symptoms of some kind. These can come in many
ways. The best things to do is not to hesitate. See, or encourage your
friend or family member, to see a medical practitioner and discuss the
symptoms with him or her. The worst thing to do is carry out a Google
search and self-diagnose! A search on Google can be very helpful when
diagnosis has been made, as long as the information is found on an
authentic government, medical or support group site, but in the first
instance, the diagnosis of a doctor is paramount. There should be no
delay seeking diagnosis. Sometimes people do put off seeking advice for
a variety of reasons, including “it’s nothing much”, or “it’s not
convenient – I’ll just wait until after …”. Sometimes men, for example,
wait before seeing their doctor about symptoms of prostate cancer. The
thought of the tests for diagnosis, or the nature of the illness itself,
can be embarrassing for them. A problem with this is that if the illness
is present, the symptoms can become worse. Eventually, a doctor has to
be seen and treatment determined. Why not do it early before the problem
becomes more serious and less curable?
Pray about
getting the diagnosis!
The illness
Any cancer is serious. Sometimes when
it is diagnosed it is seen as being very serious, even though the
symptoms may not have been too prominent. A lump in the breast, and
small skin ‘patch’ (a possible melanoma) may not be very noticeable.
But, let the doctor decide.
It is important to remember that while
cancer used to be regarded with great dread (the big “C”), on the whole,
it is no longer what was earlier termed a ‘death sentence’. It can
still be very serious, but the development of more focused drugs used in
chemotherapy, and more accurate radiotherapy, and advancement in
surgical techniques, can have an important role in reducing if not
clearing the cancer. In my own case, the specialist surgeon said to me
on diagnosis, “You have a high-grade cancer, but we’ll fix it!” And fix
it he did – undoubtedly with the help of my Heavenly Father.
Pray about coping with the illness itself!
Life-changing experience
Having cancer can be a life-changing
experience for the person with it and his or her family and friends.
Some of the things that can happen are:
You begin to wonder
whether you or they are going to live.
Medical terms are used
that you do not understand.
You cannot do the
things you used to enjoy.
Your normal routine is
disrupted.
You can feel helpless
and lonely.
Some emotions are anger, frustration,
panic and anxiety. These are ‘normal’ experiences; they do not
necessarily reflect on a person’s Christian love. It is important that
as caregivers we understand the person with cancer and do not judge
them.
The treatment
Treatment of cancers varies enormously.
By and large, they are all, associated with pain of different degrees.
The smaller, more superficial cancers are often treated with less
invasive, less long-term painful surgery. More serious cancers requiring
lengthy treatment can have a major impact on the person with the
illness, and friends and families. Cancer effects and treatment can
affect everyone associated with the illness.
Pray during the
treatment.
‘Do’s’ for someone who cares
Much love, care, understanding and help
is necessary all the time. I’m not sure what the most important of these
attributes is. The truth probably is that they integrate with one
another. Understanding the reduced ability of a person with the illness
is certainly vital. The person may not feel like doing the things they
normally do – and with good reason. Their appearance may change – hair
loss during chemo, loss of interest and ability in sexual relations in
prostate cancer (or other forms of cancer – for that matter) can
certainly affect a husband/wife relationship. Shortness of tolerance is
not uncommon and can lead to hurt. For the carer (everyone who has
contact with the ill person!) it is important to learn more tolerance at
all stages of the person’s treatment.
Life during cancer treatment, like many
illnesses, is usually an emotional roller-coaster. Understanding the
ofttimes wild swings in moods is important in helping the ill person.
Sometimes emotion is a big high (after some good treatment news) and
many times a big low due to diagnosis, pain, or bad news during
treatment. An emotional high can lead to laughter, but, a low, more
often than not, can lead to tears. (Yes, gentlemen, it’s ok. Tears are
not just the prerogative of ladies!) And often, the ‘ride’ comes over a
little thing. The trivial cause of an outburst can be unbelievable to
the carer but is nonetheless ‘important’ to the ill person.
Pray that you
will be guided to use the most helpful words.
‘Don’ts’ for someone who cares
Often when a person is undergoing
treatment, they will have tests that can be scans, x-rays or pathology.
It is not helpful to tell someone who is having these tests to say
beforehand, “You’ll be OK. You’ll get through it OK!” For that matter,
it is never useful to say this at any time during a cancer program
simply because we do not know. The reason for having a check is to
determine whether the person will be OK or not. Sometimes, a scan or
test will show a deterioration in the condition or tumour growth. If we
have said, “You’ll be OK”, then we are providing a false sense of hope
and security.
It is not always helpful to be effusive
in our praise of how a person seems, especially if they seem to handle
everything well. The result of our praise might actually hinder the
person with the illness. We might say, “Oh, you are doing so well; you
look good; you have such a wonderful spirit!”, when, in fact, they are
feeling and looking terrible. Some encouragement rarely goes astray but,
in moderation. Perhaps, “You seem to be doing OK, how do you feel?”. In
this way, we shift the focus from our perception to finding out the true
feeling of the person for whom we are caring.
Pray that you
will be guided to do the most useful things.
The role of faith
As in all illnesses (and for that
matter – life) God will be with you if you place your trust in Him. If
you haven’t already, read through the section on Faith and Illness. It
should help you understand the role faith can have in your life.
Caring for yourself
Self-care is an important aspect of
doing something for others. We need to be in a good space personally to
help a person cope with cancer. This will mean constant prayer and
awareness of those around us.
PrayBeing positive
It is well-acknowledged that having a
positive attitude at all times during the cancer experience can be of
benefit in life during illness. It can assist in both coping and
recovery.
A
very useful website to help in our understanding is:
It has a special section on children’s cancer:
https://www.cancer.gov/publications/patient-education/guide-for-parents
This is an official cancer website of the United States
Government. It has most useful information that helps our understanding
of the illness. If we can couple this with our recognition of the way
God can help us, we will be better equipped to care.
